“Why food?” a patient once asked. “Why can’t I comfort myself with bubble baths?” Food is connected with our first experience of comfort. As babies, we’re held in loving, safe arms while being fed. Our minds learn to connect feeding with soothing.
Many studies confirm that we associate eating with a sense of comfort and ease. Here’s how to do that without food:
#1 Choose comfort words
Imagine you make a mistake at work, and your boss chastises you. Many of us think something along the lines of, “I can’t believe I messed up like that. I’m such an idiot.”
When you’re hard on yourself, you feel bad. You feel shame, which makes you vulnerable to eating for comfort. Instead, say:
“It’s hard to make a mistake. Yet, that mistake doesn’t reflect on me as a person. I’m going to learn from this, so it doesn’t happen again.”
This response is reasonable and encouraging. Encouragement leads to understanding, creating hope and a sense of wellbeing. The nicer we are to ourselves, the better we feel.
#2 Take care with your tone
We all have tough days. The way we talk to ourselves impacts the way we feel, which in turn affects how we eat.
The same words can feel different depending on your tone. Think of asking yourself, “What do I need right now?” A warm, caring, interested tone feels good. In contrast, a cold, exasperated tone makes you feel bad.
Tone is essential. A soothing tone can feel like a verbal hug.
Talk to yourself as you would talk to someone you care deeply about. By saying no to criticism and “yes” to comforting words, you’ll feel relaxed and reassured. When we feel good, we’re less likely to use food to soothe ourselves.
#3 Be a friend to yourself
Imagine a friend ate too much pizza and felt bad. It’s unlikely that you’d say, “I can’t believe you scarfed down that pizza. You are such a loser. You’ll never lose weight.”
Instead, you might tell your friend, “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
If you wouldn’t say it to a friend or a child, don’t say it to yourself.
Talk to yourself as you would to someone you care deeply about! By saying “no” to criticism and “yes” to loving support, you’ll comfort yourself with words. When that happens, you won’t use food for comfort!
References:
Adriaanse M. A., Prinsen S., de Witt Huberts J. C., de Ridder D. T. D., Evers C. (2016). ‘I ate too much so I must have been sad’: emotions as a confabulated reason for overeating. Appetite 103, 318–323.
Rosenbaum, D. L., & White, K. S. (2013). The Role of Anxiety in Binge Eating Behavior: A Critical Examination of Theory and Empirical Literature. Health psychology research, 1(2), e19. doi:10.4081/hpr.2013.e19
About the Author:
Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin in a psychoanalyst and psychotherapist who helps women and men recover from disordered eating. Her personal experience gives her a unique understanding of what it’s like to struggle with this issue, and she knows that recovery is possible. Nina provides empathy and understanding, as well as professional and clinical expertise, in the treatment of eating disorders. If you or someone you love has an unhealthy, unhappy relationship with food, she can help!
In addition to her private practice based in Los Angeles, she hosts a radio show on LA Talk Radio and she writes an award-winning blog, Make Peace With Food, and offers “food for thought” on her video series, The Dr. Nina Show. She has contributed chapters in two books on psychoanalysis, and her own book Food For Thought: Perspectives On Eating Disorders is an Amazon bestseller.
The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective of weight management. These are not necessarily the views of Weight Hope, but an effort to offer a discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.
We at Weight Hope understand that weight issues result from multiple physical, emotional, environmental and genetic factors. If you or a loved one are suffering from a weight concern, please know that there is hope for you.
Published on April 4, 2019
Reviewed by Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC on April 4, 2019
Published on WeightHope.com